Women and aspergers

It has often been reported that there is a higher male to female ratio of aspergers sufferers. Many sources suggest that girls with aspergers are missed at school as they are better able to compensate for the challenges autism brings. Other sources say that women and girls are often misdiagnosed because of the differences they experience in how aspergers effects their lives.

So I asked my other half how she feels her aspergers is affected by her being a woman. And her main point is the challenge she has for a certain few days a month. My other half has found ways to copy with social situations, to mask and hide her communication difficulties with humour. And, quite often when she tells someone about her autism we have both been given the 'I don't believe it' line or the 'don't you cover that well'. But there are a few days every month when it all goes to pot. And I can't say I haven't noticed it. Most women experience some sort of PMS. I know myself, I get irritable and angry closer to certain times of the month when my emotions get the better of me.  Now add aspergers to the mix, a difficulty to understand social situations and communicate with others, and simply you are asking for a problem.

No, I am not saying keep clear of all interaction for three days every month, but I am saying think about it. Men and women experience life, aspergers and the challenges that come with it in different ways.

Dealing with your partners depression

For a while now my other half has been struggling, I've seen her stumble through the problems she had with jobs, with communicating and with everything and I've faithfully stood by her side. And most recently I've held her tight while she has sobbed and sobbed telling me she is sad and can't find happiness.

Depression hits everyone at some time in their lives. I believe that at least once in our lives everyone hits that limit on the edge of depression where they either sink or swim. And from personal experience watching someone sink and knowing that what you do isn't helping is a pain unlike anything else.

When Aspergers met Arthur

All of the time I am looking at ways to help explain aspergers to other people. Different ways to explain anything from what a meltdown is like to why my other half doesn't like a hug or someone standing too close to her.

So when my other half sent this to me I felt like I had to share. This simply describes what it is like to have aspergers, to not understand others and to view the world differently in simple terms that everyone can understand.

Plus it's Arthur and the gang, a cartoon I spent hours glued to the tv watching as a child!

Braver than she thought

My moment with the ball

So like I mentioned before last weekend was my first England Deaf Rugby match, yes we won 22-12 to local team Penallta in Cardiff and it was a great day. But leading up to that day was a nightmare, even the night before we went I had my other half on the phone crying saying she just couldn't do it.

I wouldn't take no for an answer, I know this sounds mean and horrible but I knew once she was there, she knew our hotel rooms were near each other and she had calmed down she would really enjoy the weekend.

In out and shake it all about

So this week my other half decided it was time to redecorate her bedroom.

She's pretty much had the same colour scheme since she was 13 and has pretty much kept everything since then. Her room was full to bursting with boxes full of anything and everything imaginable. She had piles of magazines, clothes of various sizes that hadn't been worn in years and even a selection of old phone chargers including a vintage Nokia 3310.

Deciding she needed to revamp and make it look like the room of a 20-something was a lot easier than it sounds.

Autism Assistance Dogs

Photo from AADI

Recently I got onto the subject of animals and therapy. It's not unusual now to hear about how animals, especially dogs, have been used a form of therapy, from working in hospitals with children to assisting with the daily activities of someone who needs them. Even more recently I heard about medical detection dogs, dogs who can detect cancer by smell, or who are trained to alert their owner when their blood sugar is low (for diabetes) or so many other different things. So I looked into it more and found out about Autism Assistance Dogs, and how dogs have been used to help children with autism find their voice. 

During my search I found this BBC news story entitled 'How an autistic child learned to say 'I love you" and yes, it brought me to tears. Watch it yourself here and find out more about how dogs have been used to help those with autism.

5 things you need to know if you love someone with Aspergers

After seeing so many different, 5 things to do before you hit 25 or any number of lists, I thought it was important to write a list of my own. So here it is the '5 things you need to know if you love someone with Aspergers syndrome'.

The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-Time

Before Christmas my other half and I went to see 'The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-Time' a west end show based on the book by Mark Haddon. For those who have read it you will know it follows the life of 15 year old Christopher who finds his neighbours dog dead and decided to turn detective to find out who killed the dog. Christopher describes himself as 'a mathematician with behavioural difficulties' and although it isn't stated reading the book or looking at the programme tells you that Christopher has high functioning autism.

Stop the pity party stares!

Every so often I write about the important of understanding, autism awareness and the need for education. So many times have I been trying to talk to someone about my relationship and people have stared at me, took pity on me or told me I must be a saint to deal with the challenges my relationship comes with. 

And more and more it annoys me! 

Going back to work, back to the old routine

Again and again I write about the important of routine. And again and again I find myself in situations where routine has slipped or changed and the few days of struggle getting things back to everyday again.

Today I am back to work in the office, I've had a great christmas break away from the desk with my other half and with all of my family. And although half of me hates that I have had to get out of bed at 6am and not lie in till 10, yes I did a lot of that, I jump straight back into the old routine seamlessly. Give me a few hours and it won't feel like I've had a christmas break at all.

Then there's my other half. She went from seeing me a couple of nights a week in the evening and at weekends to pretty much spending every moment of the day with me for two weeks. Suddenly to go back to twice or three times a week is a shock to the system. I've been expecting it for a while, the slight strops and snaps when work is mentioned. Trying to joke it off and call her a 'snap the magic dragon' didn't work either. So how have I prepared?

We talked, the best thing we could do was talk through everything. She told me she was upset I had to go back to work, and I understand. I know it's harder for her, and it's not like I won't miss building nano-block animals, trips to town, siting on the sofa playing DS, watching Daytime TV in bed and everything else we have been doing. I will miss it all, but while I'm busy as a bee at work, she's milling around doing a few bits but not rushed off her feet that means she has time to get lonely.

With tomorrow rugby training and the next time I will see her, I will surprise her with a card or something special. Something to read when she gets lonely that tells her I love her. Romantic sap or not, it may just about work.

Happy new year!