'I wish I wasn't aspergers,' she said. 'I don't,' I said.

I've had a pretty hectic weekend, with a trip to the zoo, a family wedding, a car breakdown, and a game of rugby in the space of 3 days. But one thing over the weekend has stuck in my head more than anything. After a meltdown on the rugby pitch where my other half took herself off in the middle of the first half we got into the car and she told me 'I wish I wasn't Aspergers sometimes.'

Immediately I took up the other side of the argument, 'if you didn't have Aspergers you wouldn't be you, and I love you' approach. But the more I have thought about it, the more I have come to two totally different conclusions. 

Lego-therapy

It may be a few months old, but I've just read that Lego-therapy is being used in London to help children with autism and other learning difficulties. 

BBC news have created a video showing how staff at Guy's and St Thomas' hospital have been using lego as therapy. The BBC reported that lego bricks have been used in therapy sessions to help with children who have communication difficulties, and how it helps to develop speech and listening skills. 

They state that research shows that children with autism are naturally drawn to lego. It's great to hear that therapists are using different techniques to help those with autism and how simple things, like lego, can make such a difference to these children. 

To watch the video click here.

Famous aspies, because nothing should hold you back!

I often write about the struggles of aspergers syndrome and the challenges I am faced by loving someone who is on the spectrum. I write honestly about the difficulty she has had to find a job, the challenge of communicating with her and the occasional misinterpretation of a situation.

But today, I want to focus on something else. I want to focus on those who have, in some cases, used their special interests to become a success. So here it is, my list of Celebrities and other pretty successful people who are known to be on the spectrum.

If you want to take anything away from this post. Think for a second, all of the people listed have had problems with communication, social situations and the challenges that aspergers places upon them. But all of them have made something of themselves, aspergers didn't stop them. And mainly, for the benefit of my other half, dream big and you never know what you could become.

From small Acorns great Oak trees grow!

Because it's Saturday, November chill is in the air, it's cold and horrible and this painting always makes me smile. Special interests and talents are there to be nurtured, to grow into bigger and more beautiful pieces. 

Explain, explain and explain again.

If there's one thing I've learnt other than how to master the art of patience, it's that you can never explain enough.

There's no point jumping straight onto the angry bus. So, she's stormed away from the coach at rugby training but instead of ranting about the embarsmemt of the situation, talk and listen. Only by talking and asking why did you do that and explaining the situation can it be avoided again.

So this happened a little while ago. She got into a mood and stormed away. I finished the session then went to find her. When I asked what it was all about she said the girls weren't being nice to her because she wasn't good.

In actual fact the girls had taken her to the side to help teach her tackling or something. A couple of them had called her to the side to show her what to do. Her lack of reading the situation and inability to tell that they were being nice not nasty was wrong. Instead of jumping to the 'don't be so stupid' I asked what had they done and why she had thought they weren't being nice.

I had to explain that they were helping, that at rugby, when the coach or your teammates pull you to the side, unlike in my last team, with the new team it is to help. No bit of criticism is given without a plate load of helpful hints, advice and guidance to wash it down with.

Sometimes, a little time, an explanation and a kind word are better than going straight for the jugular.

Light on? Light off?

As I have talked about before. Routine and the need to keep things constant is important to those with
Aspergers. Little changes that to me, or those who are not on the spectrum, things that seem insignificant can make all the difference.

I found out the importance of routines when my partner and I were first together. I found out about her breakfast routine, she always eats before getting out of bed. She has a routine for putting her clothes on in the morning, socks first, which is mad socks are the last thing I put on. Most everyday activities have some sort of routine or similarity to them, that's how she likes it and that's how it should be done.

Then one night at hers, we shut her bedroom door, went to bed and her mum turned the hallway light off.

Everyone just wants to fit in

photo taken from http://animalia-life.com/swan.html

There's  one unspoken rule in life that everyone needs to fit in. Everyone needs to have a place in the world and everyone works out where they fit in.

But in this struggle to make sure we fit into our own surroundings, with friends, family and work. We often forget that others too are struggling to fit in.

The more I observe people and the more I start to understand my other half's struggles to conform to society and fit in. The more I have come to realise we are all swans.

Hearing impaired or not, that is the question!

It was pointed out to me recently on twitter that | use the word impaired when referring to my hearing loss. I have always used this term, not to offend others, but as a general way to describe hearing loss. It was suggested that I shouldn’t use this term for the offence it can cause others, in response I want to justify why I chose to use the words “hearing impaired” when tweeting about England Deaf Rugby’s search for female players.

The meaning of life

Today, while on the net I found this amazing video of a 6 year old explaining the meaning of life.
I want to reblog it for a number of reasons, I think that the philosophy behind it is amazing, and the little girls voice and sesame street style of the video really make it hit home.

The video starts with an important question, when you are 90 in your rocking chair on your porch what do you want to look back and say you have achieved. It goes on to tell us how we are the only ones stopping ourselves, that we are the ones who should not listen to others and should put in the hard work to become who we want to become and not be too scared to do it.

Simply, this video made me cry because it really hit home with how I have been feeling recently, directionless. It's inspirational and something for everyone to look at and take in. Especially those who feel they have barriers put in front of them. Listen to this and see how many of those barriers you can take down to let you become who you want to be.

Just one of those days.

Every so often, you wake up in a bad or odd mood and thats it. You feel like the entire day is a write off, it's just one of those things. People tell you that you've 'woken up on the wrong side of the bed'.

When I was a child I used to get back into the bed and then get back out of it a different way to see if that solved it. Obviously it didn't. But it was always worth a try.

These days are bad enough for those of us who don't have aspergers, but for my other half they are like hell. We recently had one of these days. She woke up and within a few minuets it was clear to see her usual morning smile wasn't there. We decided to work with it, to go and do something out doors but quiet. We went for a picnic and it was good, there were a few wobbles, a couple of times where panic and tears nearly set in. But after taking a moment, a deep breath and a reassuring squeeze of the hand. We made our way through it.

Because no matter what they say. Tomorrow is another day and sometimes it's just easier to wait until then.

Getting back on the job hunt....

I've written recently about the ugly world of job hunting and how much my other half has struggled with trying to find work. In my last post I talked about the services that were out there to help get those with autism into work. I didn't know how useful my other half would find it.

My last post discussed how I had turned to the  National Autistic Society for help. And since posting I convinced my other half to have a look at Remploy.

What dating someone with Aspergers has taught me.... part 1

A lot of the time I just write about different situations that I have found my other half and I in, and how we have overcome different obstacles infront of us. I write about how I have helped my other half and what I have done for her. But are relationship isn't one sided. This post is a bit different. I want to write a series of posts about the valuable lessons I have learnt about loving someone with Aspergers.

Communication 

I have always thought I can communicate well. I like to chat, to almost everyone, I studied a Creative Writing at university, and I work within an internal communications agency. I may not be confrontational, but I have always written on my CV 'strong communication skills'. What I should have said on my CV is 'good waffler'. It was only when I met my other half that I realised just how much I can waffle on.

Breaking the routine isn't always bad!

Good news, my plan for the weekend worked better than I had hoped. While I was left running around a field in army greens pushing my fitness and my mental strength to the edge, my other half spent her day doing the things she loved without me.

Friday just after I wrote my blog I had a text to thank me for the card, we spoke on the phone briefly and she promised to do the little things on the list I had given her and to keep herself busy.

Saturday, I text to say I had got to the army base and was safe, before being escorted to a VIP tour and the battlefield training session. It was killer but I kept a smile on my face. In Essex, my other half went to one of our favourite places for cake 'Poppins', with a magazine. When she told me about what she had been up to she said it was so much better to go alone. She told me how great it was to just sit and read and not have to worry about talking to people or looking rude. It made me smile, there is me thinking that going somewhere alone would appear odd to others, yet actually she's quite right and I'm sure a piece of cake and a good magazine or two was a great plan. So while she sent me photos of cake and her dogs, I sent her photos of my face after training, my taped up ankle and the England kit I got to wear.

Overall, it was amazing to get back sunday, have her turn up at mine and have dinner with my parents while I recounted as much as I could about the weekend. And I think we both learnt, that breaking the routine, although hard, is bearable, you just need to work with it.

Weekend away, breaking the routine.

This weekend I am off to a team building weekend with England Deaf Rugby. I couldn't be more excited to go run around in the mud doing some crazy assault course then pull on the England top sunday for my very first time. And while I am running about trying to find every last bit of kit I may need, my other half is struggling.

We see each other every weekend without fail, so it's only two days away, but it's a big deal. This weekend I will be breaking the friday night routine to bog off to somewhere where I won't have constant contact and won't be spending time with her.

Preparation.
It may sound silly, but after the last time I went away for two nights I have had to come up with some sort of preparation. I was told by her own mother never to go away without her again because she became unbearable for the weekend, so I'm off again but this time I hope it's a little less stressful on us all.

Instead of disappearing off without thinking about it I wrote a card and posted it, so that it will arrive today or tomorrow. In it I have given her some things to do for the weekend, from remembering to visit her nan to doing two things that make her happy. It sounds silly but I am hoping that 1. it will arrive on time, if it turns up monday that's too late and 2. that it will help make this weekend a little easier.

We love each other and even though I know she doesn't mind me going on rugby trips, I know she's proud of me for getting involved with England Deaf team, I know full well that a disruption to her routine is a challenge. So fingers crossed the card will work. I guess we will watch this space!

Birthday bash, plenty of cake and perfect presents!

So this weekend was my birthday, and despite my other half missing out on my family bbq due to a severe ear infection, it's been quite a bash. For this post, I wanted to talk a little about the stress my other half goes through when it comes to birthdays.

To use the words of Sheldon Cooper from The Big Bang Theory:

'The entire institution of gift giving make no sense. Let's say that I go out, and I spend 50 dollars on you, it's a laborious activity, because I have to imagine what you need, where as you know what you need.'

Present buying for my other half can go either way. She admits it herself, it's always a little bit hit and miss. There tend to be two outcomes 1. she has a fool proof present plan. She's paid way too much attention to a passing glance and a 'wouldn't one of those look pretty' fly-away comment that someone has made and voila that's what you get. or 2. panic buying. She forgets, rushes to the supermarket and panic buys, leaving with a hatstand and a bag of oranges, because you liked the colour orange and you wore a hat once.

Luckily, for my birthday, I didn't get a hatstand, I got a cake stand full of carefully iced and glittered cupcakes. Her plan had worked, she had thought of all the things that I liked and got presents to suit them. So while I sit here stuffing my face with cupcakes, testing my Cat's IQ, with my new Cat IQ book, and drinking tea from my Mad Hatters Teacup. I must say, it's been a smashing birthday!

Failing to find full-time employment...

As my other half has been looking for a job, I started to look into services there are to help those with autism find employment. Once again I turn to the National Autistic Society's website for information and am faced again with a very sobering fact. Only 15% of people with Autism in the UK are in full time employment. 79% of those who don't have employment want to work. 


It's shocking that only so many people with autism want to work but struggle to find full-time employment. But then again, I am not actually that surprised. Having seen first hand as my other half has struggled with employment, faced with prejudice and stigma surrounding her Autism, I am left knowing that something is not right. 

Who doesn't love lego?

About a month ago my other half and I went to legoland. When she first told me she had tickets I was a little apprehensive. Wasn't legoland for kids? and I have a horrible fear of any kind of roller-coaster. 

I remember the Pirates of the Caribbean boat ride in Disney when I was about 8, I freaked out in the line waiting to go on, screamed cried and had to be shocked into stopping me from getting hysterical. So when my other half suggested a trip to a theme park, the dread and terror came back and I reluctantly agreed. 

Everyone knows someone with Autism!

Ok, so technically this may be pushing the truth a little. But I found something on the National Autistic Society's website about just how many people in the UK are affected by Autism. They state that around 7,000 people in the UK may have Autism. Put simply thats 1 in every 100 people.
Take a second to think about your day, for me, I work in London, I get the train with hundreds of people, walk through a city full of hundreds of people every single day. By default I must come into contact with dozens of people with Autism everyday.

My point?You can't always tell when looking at someone that they have autism. It's a hidden disability and depending on the severity and how it affects an individual can be noticeable or not. When I first met my other half, I had no idea she had autism and when she told me I panicked.

Why am I saying this?To get you to think. Think about that 1 in 100 and think about how many people you are in contact with each day. When it comes down to it, autism may not be that far away from you after all.

Why Autism education is essential.

I guess in a way this post is sort of a rant. In the last few months my other half started a job telling them at the interview she had Aspergers. Three weeks in and the Autism word comes up in conversation with her manager. His reply 'If I knew you were Autistic and of lower intelligence I never would have employed you.' Needless to say that job didn't last a lot longer than that.

Hearing this made my blood boil. Aspergers does not affect intelligence as he suggested. It is known that those with Aspergers are intelligent and with an IQ to challenge MENSA, my other half falls into this category.

My other half, yes she was upset at first but then she told me it's the same thing she has faced so many times. On applications you have to state your disability yet half the time it means you are put in the reject bin. Am I exaggerating? I don't think so. Although employers like to think that they are all inclusive and representative in the workplace, I know from my own experience, that most workplaces aren't. As for her, she's had to pick herself up yet again from the blow of being called out for being different, yes it's taken a while, she's struggled with it, but we are getting there.

My point...More people need to be educated about Aspergers and Autism. So it affects the way she communicates with people, but that doesn't mean a person is any less intelligent. A job is hard enough for someone who is sensory stimulation and communication challenges without the same old ignorance. The stigma that surrounds Autism and intelligence or capability needs to go.

Have you been through similar? What else can we do?

Why I want to work with people with disabilities.

So, this is a little off topic but it is something that I feel I needed to get out in the open. As I am sitting in the office on lunch I have decided to write this all about my long term ambition to work with others who have disabilities.

Festivals and fun

When it comes to crowds, loud noises and sleeping in a tent over a hundred miles away from home, it sounds to my other half like her idea of hell. And being the enthusiastic and sometimes forgetful girl I am, I booked us tickets for a weekend festival in Oxford without thinking twice.

How Aspergers Affects Relationships

From my experience, and from what I've read, there are some main features that have an impact on relationships with an aspie. Through this blog I've been trying to address these and give a fresh viewpoint on them. I've read so many blogs by those with aspergers talking about how they are affected by it and how relationships affect them. But I want to give the opposite viewpoint, there are plenty of sources out there that focus on how the aspie feels, but what about how the non-aspie feels in relationships. Is it just as hard, is it easier? 


I don't have a simple answer for those questions. As with life, nothing is ever simple and life is a tangled mess of one complication after another. But I do hope this blog helps to explain at least some of it.  

Catch up

Loving Aspergers you has always been a blog about relationships and what it is like to be with someone who has autism. Every day is different and it's hard not to be over personal or say things that can be seen as harsh when it comes to my relationship, Of course, I love my other half to bits, but like any relationship out there we have our ups and downs, the things we love about each other and the things we sometimes wish did not happen. But we love each other to bits and at the end of the day that is really what matters.


I feel like I write the same things over and over again, so I haven't written in a while. Not because I don't have anything to say. But, because I wanted to be selfish, focus on us and neglect the blog a little. So I'm sorry. I'm back and I want to hear what you reading this have to say. 

Birthday suprises

Grown ups can be bullies too!

So recently I got a phone call from my other half after work. I picked up to hear her sobbing on the other end of the line. It's all sorted now, but still its something I want to talk about.

As anyone would do, I went straight to meet her and sat in her car talking to her before we went home. Although, it was hard to get any information out. Like other aspies, when she's upset she refuses to talk. I finally got out of her that someone had been continuously rude to her over a couple of months and it had finally escalated and caused this tearful outburst.

It all started a few months ago when the person in question kept staring at my other half throughout one day. She told me that when she asked why he replied 'becuase it's fun'. What was fun? Making her feel uncomfortable? This person then went on to do similar things making my other half feel belittled until last week when he called her a 'retard'.

Anyone, with or without disability, can say that being called any kind of name no matter how old you are hurts. But being called the same word that the bullies at school spent years calling you is something more. It took a couple of days for my other half to finally tell me she reacted because he called her a 'retard' and it's taken her even longer to convince herself to try to ignore him and move on from the situation.

Bulling isn't just that thing that happened in the school playground when you were a teen. And it's not right to ever make another person feel less becuase of their disabilities. Everyone is  different and nobody is perfect. I hope that someone at least reads this and stops something like this from happening again, even if it's just once. Because well... if your a grown up... act like one.

Because Art is universal

So, a few weeks ago I wrote about the Artists of Autism Art Exhibition, brain child of photographer Karen and soon to be must see.

The official poster, go go go, check it out!

Well, I'm pleased to say the exhibition will kick off tomorrow at 2pm with a bang! With artists from all over the world, a stash of prizes and goodies up for grabs in the raffle and months spent planning, it's sure to be a hit.

I want to write this and get as many of you to even take a look at the facebook page. It's important that as many people as possible take a look, the more that see it the greater the promotion of autism awareness, and how better to do it than by looking at art. It's my idea of a great day out.

Using art to promote awareness, for me really goes to show two things. 1. That art is universal, it can be used to break down the barriers and stigma that surround 'disability'. Anyone and everyone can appreciate a good piece of art. And 2. It's a great way to show off the talents and special interests of those with autism and show the amazing things that can be created. In some ways, showing that obsessions, well, they may not all be bad for you.

A lot of work and effort has been put into getting the artists work all under one roof and getting the venue ready in the lead up to the event. It's worth a look.

Understanding (Autistic) You

I started writing this blog in a hope to reach out to others who have experience with autism, and hopefully give an insight into my relationship, loving someone with aspergers. I wanted to look at the stereotypes and break them, bend them, and show that love doesn't care for ability or disability. Sometimes it just creeps up on us. I wanted to tell others that it's not all doom and gloom.

I started this blog for two main reasons, the first as I said to reach out to others. But the other, that's more personal.

I wanted to write this blog so, in hindsight, I could look back and understand my other half and her autism better. As I've stressed before, autism does not define her. Everyone is made of more than simply their abilities, quirks and disabilities.

Sticking my two pence in

So I've written about communication and aspergers a few times. I've brushed over how people often take my other half as being rude instead of being very direct. If you ask a questions that can be answered with a simple yes or no, you are almost guaranteed to get a one word response.

Over time I've seen over and over again people getting frustrated with the lack of detail and the simple answers she gives. And time after time, I find myself butting in, offering a fuller explanation and talking for her.

At times, this works. When talking to her mother or close friends, they let me do the talking and explain in more detail different things. Other times, like when talking to my family or someone that doesn't know her so well, it looks different. I am conscious of the faces I get for butting in. She's not simple and I'm not doing it to make her look stupid, I'm doing it because if I don't, the only answers you will get will be one syllable long.

How do I change this?

Am I meant to stand there and watch as she gives one word answers and watch the frustration break across the other persons face? Am I meant to let the conversation die painfully? Do I explain? Do I say, you need to avoid simple questions? Do I tell her to give more detail? Or would that send us off on a completely different tangent, will she then share too much and we be back to square one of awkwardness.

What do you suggest I do? Because I'm not sure I can sit through anymore of those odd moments...

Keeping the love alive

So we are all told from such an early age that everyone is different. We live in a world that celebrates differences, well most of them. But what happens when these differences can make or break a relationship? Since being with my other half I've had to learn patience and how to listen, not just to what she is saying but what she means, and not to always jump to the worst case scenario. Likewise, I'm sure she's learnt not to make sure I can hear or that nagging comes too naturally to me, and to take me for all my little faults.


It's not easy taking someone for all their faults and imperfections but it is something that is needed for any relationship to work. Even more so, when one of us is an aspie.

To say or not to say?

Many a time my partner and I have been somewhere, talking to someone and I've had that 'uh-oh' moment where she says something off topic or something that surprises both me and who she is talking to. I used to be embarrassed by it, I used to stop her mid sentence and try to steer the conversation onto something different. At times this worked, other times it just caused arguments between us. I couldn't understand why she would say such things, and she wouldn't understand why I would be upset. 

Then, talking to her Mum, it finally made sense to me. 

Her mum described it similar to a coffee pot without a filter. Everyone has a filter that they use in conversation. It sorts out the right responses and sorts thoughts into what can be said and what can't be said. Like a coffee pot filters the water and coffee through without letting the ground beans into the cup. 

In those with Aspergers this coffee filter is torn or, hasn't been put into the machine.

So instead the cup is full of beans, water and all. Instead of having that filter to pull to the side things that should not be said, everything comes through, leading to those 'uh-oh' awkward moments.

 It's an example that I think of now when in social situations and the other half starts going on a tangent of hers. And once again, we have another code word. We decided when talking about it with her mother, that in some situations it would not be right to forget the filter and let everything through. Now, instead of getting upset or angry, I simply remind her 'coffee pot' or 'filter' and if she still doesn't get the hint, I change the subject.

Remember it, use it, and tell others. I'm sorry but she's a 'coffee pot head'. It gets a few funny looks, but once explained it's just something that sticks with others. 

Filter on or off, she's my 'Coffee pot'

Plan, plan and plan again.

I've never been a great one for plans. I have always seemed to let things happen, let other people take the lead or even 'go with the flow'. In other words I forget what I have said to whom and have to constantly back track and change plans once I have made them. No matter how organised I try to be, it just doesn't come naturally to me and that's just how I am.

It's never been a great problem, everyone who knows me well knows my lack of social organisaton and they tend to let me go with it. Sure I've upset a few people forgetting birthdays and whatnot. But in the end it has always kinda worked itself out.

Then I met my partner.

At first, as I work in London Monday-Friday we used to plan a week in advance when we were seeing each other. Every Friday after work  I was going round hers for the night and then we stayed at mine or hers Saturday night. It worked well and never caused a problem.

Then came the day I changed plans. In passing one weekend I was asked if I would stay at hers, and as usual I said yes, sure. It wasn't until the day itself that I remembered a family event.

I tried to change the plans, cancel on her and tell her I would make it up on the weekend. But as all those who know autism will say, it's not as simple as that. Changing plans is a big deal, there is no, we can do it tomorrow. It's more, I expected this to be happening and now it's not I don't know how to deal with this, reaction.

So after a few missed plans and failed attempts and scheduling. And yes, a few times I've upset her and made different plans or changed things (not without a near meltdown or two). I've become more organised, started writing down what I am meant to be doing and when. And she's learnt not to plan too far ahead and we will work out what we do on the weekend during the week. That way, if plans do drastically change there may be some wiggle room.

Because Mother knows best

I am thankful that I have a great relationship with my partners’ parents. Both of them have been supportive from the start and very truthful. Her mum and I in particular often talk about the quirks that come with Asperger’s syndrome. Having brought my partner up for nearly 23 years, who better to advise me than her mum?

At times She’s laughed at my comments and told me what I experience is very toned down to what it used to be. I remember when commenting on food and the Steak wrap fiasco. She simply said 4 in two weeks is nothing, I remember the jacket potato phase and the cornflake phase, they lasted years. At first it made me panic, ‘if this is nothing what have I got myself in for’. But her mum made it clear that things have changed over the years and she is not as bad as she was as a teenager.

Certain things have stayed the same, like her wanting the hall light on at night. (Which I kind of like as I’m scared of the dark too). But other things, like her eating and her ability to deal with situations have changed.

Having someone to talk to that knows her so well and can be reassuring. And I’ve learnt a lot from her, like the ‘don’t you dare’ eyebrow raise that stops my other half mid sentence, or the way she likes her cereal in the morning.

No matter how silly or trivial, I can always turn to her mum and ask anything. They always say mothers know best. So, if you have a child (no matter how old) with aspergers. Keep in mind that their friends and partners can learn a lot from what you have to say. Just don’t go through all the quirks and obsessions at once.

Sickness and hospitals

So this is a little off topic, but it's something I feel like I need to write about.

Recently a close relative was taken into hospital. after waiting forever for an ambulance he was rushed into 'Resus'.

Luckily, he is on the mend and back home being spoilt rotten by everyone and anyone that loves him. But one thing really stuck in my head.

When talking about his time in the hospital, especially the time he spent in resus he simply said: 'At that point if I had fallen asleep and never woken up again, I couldn't care less.'

It's something that really hit home with me, and really upset me too. I've never seen this family member anything but strong, and to see them in such a vulnerable position and hear them saying they didn't care if they ever woke up is heart wrenching.

I guess it puts things into perspective and really proves that even the strongest of us are not immortal.

Even Achillies had a weakness

Too much of a good thing.

I recently talked with my partner about trying new foods when we eat out. I know she has an issue with trying new things and doesn’t like to sway away from what she knows and feels safe with. And yes, like many, she fears that eating something new/different to what she is used to will make her ill.

I’ve never forced her into trying new things, I learnt pretty quickly it wasn’t worth the stress or arguments. We have spoken about food though and she promised that she would branch out and try something new.

So two weeks ago we sat in Frankie & Benny’s ordering dinner and instead of the usual ‘I want a margarita pizza’, I was faced with ‘I want a steak wrap’. After reasoning that steak was a safe thing to eat as in some places, it is eaten raw, she jumped into unknown waters and ordered it off the menu.

By the time that it arrived I was waiting for a sour face and an ‘I wish I had ordered plain pizza’. Instead she turned around and said she really enjoyed it. We both agreed that it was good to try something new and nothing more was said of it. (I didn’t want to cause too much fuss and make her feel uncomfortable or stop her trying something new again)

Not all so good.

However, little did I know that once it was decided, steak wrap was good, it would become a new thing. In the last 2 weeks we have been out twice for steak wrap and cooked a DIY version ourselves twice.

I can’t complain and I shouldn’t, she tried something new. But part of me, even if it is a little part, is wondering how many more times can steak wrap be on the menu before I can’t face it anymore.

Maybe I should get her to try ten different dishes at once? Then at least that will be ten different things to cook on repeat? Or on the other hand,  maybe I should be more accommodating and cook what she likes and something else for me if I really don’t want it?

What I know now... sometimes and only sometimes you can have too much of a good thing.

Communication

Once again, I am sat here thinking of what to write next and the subject of communication comes up. For some, I know it is hard to communicate with others, to say how we feel or to tell someone what is going wrong when something is up.

I stress again that everyone of us is different, aspie or not. Each person deals with things in a different way, especially confrontation and being open about one's feelings. Me, I'm not a great one for confrontation, I'm a wimp and I do all I can to sidetrack when asked questions / having to face something head on.

In some ways, being with my partner has taught me that sometimes the best thing to do is to discuss things upfront. The fact that she struggles with subtle hints and tact has forced me to be better at communication and facing the facts.

At times I have used suggestion, as most people do. 'You know I don't think a lot of people like that' instead of 'I don't like that' and all sorts. But when the reply is an 'I think they do' and not what I was expecting, it could have gone two ways. I could get annoyed with every missed hint and just hold it against her, or I could be more obvious, say what I mean and make sure I am straight to the point. (For someone who has spent their entire life going off on tangents, this has been hard).

Communication is the core of everything. Go for a day without talking to anyone, without making eye contact and you will start to see just how much we rely on communicating with those around us to get by in the world. From a nod to let someone else off the train for you, to opening a door, saying thank you or talking to your colleagues about work.

For something so vital to our daily life, sometimes it might be better to get straight to the point and not give 102 reasons behind it.