What dating someone with Aspergers has taught me.... part 1

A lot of the time I just write about different situations that I have found my other half and I in, and how we have overcome different obstacles infront of us. I write about how I have helped my other half and what I have done for her. But are relationship isn't one sided. This post is a bit different. I want to write a series of posts about the valuable lessons I have learnt about loving someone with Aspergers.

Communication 

I have always thought I can communicate well. I like to chat, to almost everyone, I studied a Creative Writing at university, and I work within an internal communications agency. I may not be confrontational, but I have always written on my CV 'strong communication skills'. What I should have said on my CV is 'good waffler'. It was only when I met my other half that I realised just how much I can waffle on.




Be direct

Loving someone with communication difficulties is not always easy, the first thing I learnt was to say what I mean. There's no point hinting or trying to be subtle. If I want to go to dinner, there's no much luck saying 'I heard about this place that someone said was good, it looks really nice...' you're much better off saying 'I want to go to...'.  OR the disapproving 'don't talk about that eyebrow raise' is responded with 'I don't understand the eyebrow thing, what does it mean'.

I've never been a direct person, I avoid confrontation at all costs, I always have. But I've had to change that. I've got better over the last year at saying what I mean, though I'm not perfect. The most common arguments we ever have are about the way we both communicate. We argue more about my lack of directness and her lack of understanding than anything else. It's just one of those things.

Expect it back

As well as learning to be direct myself, I've had to learn that my other half is incredibly honest, at times brutally so. She's blunt, and so are others with aspergers. She doesn't think so much about the 100 ways I could react to a statement and carefully pick her words. She says it how it is. Asking 'do I look fat in this?' or 'does my bum look big?' is never going to go down well, unless you want to hear 'yes, but I've seen worse'. In some ways, it's refreshing to have someone be so honest, on the other hand, when you are having one of those days a white lie wouldn't have hurt. What I would say... decide what answer you want to hear then ask the person that will give you it.

Improving

While I try to improve my directness with my other half, I've found I've become more direct at work. I've openly asked for help, instead of trying to hint at my heavy workload. Because in the end, it's quicker and easier to say what you mean, then worry about how to say it and not make yourself look bad. Ok, so I'm not asking for everyone to go out and be openly rude, but sometimes it's just a hell of a lot easier to put things simply.