Weekend away, breaking the routine.

This weekend I am off to a team building weekend with England Deaf Rugby. I couldn't be more excited to go run around in the mud doing some crazy assault course then pull on the England top sunday for my very first time. And while I am running about trying to find every last bit of kit I may need, my other half is struggling.

We see each other every weekend without fail, so it's only two days away, but it's a big deal. This weekend I will be breaking the friday night routine to bog off to somewhere where I won't have constant contact and won't be spending time with her.

Preparation.
It may sound silly, but after the last time I went away for two nights I have had to come up with some sort of preparation. I was told by her own mother never to go away without her again because she became unbearable for the weekend, so I'm off again but this time I hope it's a little less stressful on us all.

Instead of disappearing off without thinking about it I wrote a card and posted it, so that it will arrive today or tomorrow. In it I have given her some things to do for the weekend, from remembering to visit her nan to doing two things that make her happy. It sounds silly but I am hoping that 1. it will arrive on time, if it turns up monday that's too late and 2. that it will help make this weekend a little easier.

We love each other and even though I know she doesn't mind me going on rugby trips, I know she's proud of me for getting involved with England Deaf team, I know full well that a disruption to her routine is a challenge. So fingers crossed the card will work. I guess we will watch this space!

Birthday bash, plenty of cake and perfect presents!

So this weekend was my birthday, and despite my other half missing out on my family bbq due to a severe ear infection, it's been quite a bash. For this post, I wanted to talk a little about the stress my other half goes through when it comes to birthdays.

To use the words of Sheldon Cooper from The Big Bang Theory:

'The entire institution of gift giving make no sense. Let's say that I go out, and I spend 50 dollars on you, it's a laborious activity, because I have to imagine what you need, where as you know what you need.'

Present buying for my other half can go either way. She admits it herself, it's always a little bit hit and miss. There tend to be two outcomes 1. she has a fool proof present plan. She's paid way too much attention to a passing glance and a 'wouldn't one of those look pretty' fly-away comment that someone has made and voila that's what you get. or 2. panic buying. She forgets, rushes to the supermarket and panic buys, leaving with a hatstand and a bag of oranges, because you liked the colour orange and you wore a hat once.

Luckily, for my birthday, I didn't get a hatstand, I got a cake stand full of carefully iced and glittered cupcakes. Her plan had worked, she had thought of all the things that I liked and got presents to suit them. So while I sit here stuffing my face with cupcakes, testing my Cat's IQ, with my new Cat IQ book, and drinking tea from my Mad Hatters Teacup. I must say, it's been a smashing birthday!

Birthday suprises

Single minded spontaneity

I feel like most of the time I am writing about differences in my relationship, things that we struggle with and things that we have to work out and overcome. Like her lack of tact or her brutal honesty, times when she doesn't want to talk or when she's fussy with her food. But I don't write enough about the good things and the happy things and everything we do, and she does to make me smile.

It's easter this weekend and we went shopping at lakeside today. Halfway through the trip, knowing we have nothing for easter planned she suggests going on a secret bunny mission. Basically there were two rules, we had one hour and we couldn't spend too much.

I spent most of the hour in a blind panic, I brought something useful, a bin for the car and something silly, a bubble gun. I thought I was doing really well and had one other thing in mind. Apparently, the book I was asking for in Waterstones doesn't exist. So I hit a brick wall. And I got a phone call asking me to come back because time was up.

We met back up and I start pulling price stickers off of what I had brought and she passes me over a shinny silver box. (At this point I was starting to think this was planned). I opened the box to find a card and a monkey beanie boo. Then she pulls out a pandora bag from her jumper. She got me the heart with love in 6 different languages on it. Before admitting she had planned everything, from coming to Lakeside this morning to trying to figure out how to keep me busy while she went into the pandora shop. Talk about organisation and planning (and scheming, there was a little scheming going on!)

My bubble gun and bin looked inferior. But the smile on her face was just as big as the smile on mine. So for once I hadn't got a master plan or even realised what was going on, but it was a lovely surprise.

Whoever said aspires can't love or feel the same as anyone else is a liar. As I've said before, she has more than enough love to give, but just had to find the right person for it. And for me, I'm the lucky one she picked!

My new gift... just as good as a bubble gun =P

Because 'tact' is not her middle name

Nearly everyone out there can relate to those times you're feeling down and your fishing for a compliment. When you are having a bad day and you just want someone to tell you that things are not as bad as you thought. You turn to the ones you love, make a comment about yourself, usually something negative or something that's upsetting you and you await the reply. You wait for something that will make you smile.

Well, as you can guess, situations like these don't always go to plan.

Aspergers is known to have an affect on communication and how a person socialises. In particular my other half struggles with social cues, knowing what is the right thing to say at the right time. And I have one example in particular which I will be using for this.

As I was describing above. This was one of those such days that you want a compliment. I was having a bad day at work and then I happened to see a photo of myself. And this photo, well it wasn't the most flattering. I was shocked at the person that was looking back at me. I know I had been lacking on the exercise front and making up for it on the munching side, and that I was very good at.

So, fishing as you do for a compliment to make me feel better I text my other half. And her response wasn't quite what I was looking for. Instead of the 'I'm sure it's just the angle' or 'it's just the colour that doesn't look good on you' or even 'the photographer wasn't great', I got a little too honest reply.

'You're a bit overweight but I've seen worse'

My first reaction was to argue, to be annoyed with her and to get upset. My weight has always been a sensitive subject and for her to tell me that I was a little overweight was hurtful. So instead of getting upset about it I changed the subject. I didn't want to talk about it anymore.

I told a few people about this and some of them cringed the others laughed. One in particular asked me what I expected from an aspie. Now at least I can laugh about it. I know she wasn't being offensive. She's honest and blunt, but that's how she is. Next time when I am searching for a compliment I'll go to someone else. And when I want someone to be less tactful then I will ask her.

So yes, it has got me back on the bike (my legs are killing after the 20 miles I did yesterday) and in some ways it gave me the kick into action that I needed. But in others, more importantly, I know that tact just may not be in her dictionary.

Random acts of kindness.

I have always liked to help others, be it opening a door for someone or helping an old lady across the road. I like to help and I like to look after those around me. I've always been the 'Mummy' of the group. Be this on a college camping trip to Norfolk or a night out at uni.  I would be the one found holding my best friends hair back telling her she didn't make a fool of herself while she hugged the toilet bowl at the end of a night out. It's just how I am.

I am even worse with someone I love. I will get up to suprise them with breakfast, sneek their favourite sweets into the cinema, and all sorts of silly things. Ive always thought of these gestures as kindness untill something my other half said one day.

When making breakfast one morning. She was putting my bread in the toaster and turned to me to say 'I don't know how you like someone else making you breakfast, no one else ever does it right.'

This took me by surprise. I've always thought of someone else making my breakfast as a treat. Its nice to have something someone else has done for you. But for a person that likes routine, structure and things to be the same this is a nightmare. It's fair to say I will never offer to make the breakfast, which isn't that bad a deal. But to think of something I consider a treat and to hear it being spoken about like its a nightmare situation, it definitely gave me something to think about.

I will be paying attention before I lavish what I think are good deeds on others in future. As an Aspie told me herself, one persons treat is another person's nightmare.