To touch or not to touch

As I aim to talk openly about different aspects of Aspergers and how they affect me, the topic of physical contact came up. A lot of people with Aspergers find sensory stimulation overwhelming and a lot of articles I've read cover physical contact. As with everything, this is based on my own experiences, everyone with Aspergers is different.

Physical contact is a part of everyday life, from holding someone's hand to giving them a high five or a reassuring squeeze. It is used in so many contexts and to express so many feelings; love, friendship, sadness, worry, joy, happiness. Think of how many times a day you touch someones hand or brush past someone on the train or at work. It's not always something we are aware of but for someone who doesn't like contact the littlest touch could be a bigger deal than you think.


I've seen blog posts by parents with Aspergers children who discuss the difficulties of physical contact. How they have had to find ways to deal with their child's sensory difficulties. And it is hard, I count myself one of the lucky ones, physical contact hasn't been too much of an issue in our relationship.

However, I had to learn to touch or not to touch on different occasions.

I, myself am a very tactile person, and one of my main concerns was cuddles. I love cuddles. When I'm happy, or watching a film, or cold I like a cuddle. My philosophy any excuse is a good excuse for cuddles.

Most importantly, I am a person that needs a good comforting cuddle when I'm sad. I've grown up with the belief that a good cuddle helps to mend the sou But I soon learnt that this wasn't always the case.

I remember one time in particular trying to comfort my other half while she was upset. Trying to cuddle someone  when they are sensitive to sensory stimulation is like that awkward moments at family parties where a distant relative is smothering you and suffocating you between their arms. (Everyone can relate to that stiff armed 'let me go' experience.) This was one of those moments, as I put my arms around her I was told to get off. At first I wanted to know what I had done wrong, I got upset and felt useless. The one solution I had was a cuddle, and it wasn't working. I found out later that it wasn't me, it just wasn't the right time. It's still something I find hard, I have to stop myself throwing my arms around her when she looks upset. But it's just one of those things.

Tip:
Talk it through, know when to touch and not to touch and never take it personally when you are told not to touch. It wasn't me doing anything wrong, it just wasn't what she needed at the time.