It's a 'THING'!

When my partner and I first started dating we had to have that awkward meet the parents situation. As I was living away from home at the time we had spent a lot of time together and I had begun to know all her little quirks. What she did and didn't like and she would tell me what made her feel uncomfortable. One of the biggest problems we faced was trying to explain things to my parents. After several hours spent worrying about how to meet the parents, and most of my family, at my Dads birthday (and make her feel as safe as possible) we settled on a code phrase.

'It's a thing'


This really means 'It's an autistic thing' and can be used in any situation. Since agreeing on this code phrase, we have found it has made certain situations easier. For example eating, when we first discussed my Dads birthday get together her biggest fear was the food. For a girl that spent a long time eating only cornflakes, because they were her favourite, the idea of eating unusual food and having to try new things terrified her. After explaining to my parents and sharing the code phrase with them before the day it came in very useful.

As the rest of the family piled their plates high with a tex-mex themed enchiladas and beans etc she piled her plate with foods she felt comfortable with. When my Mum glanced at her plate of rice, popcorn and plain crisps and offered some of the mexican treats. She simply said 'It's a thing.' For a family of foodies who love to fill up and won't take 'I don't like it' as an excuse (you can't not like it until you've actually tried it, as Dad's always said) this code phrase worked perfectly.

And it's not just when I'm with my family that we use it. 'It's a thing' has been used for a lot of things, from talking about food she likes and doesn't like to discussing her habits, things she likes to do and places of interest.

If there's anything that has taken pressure off of us and been able to help our relationship it has been that phrase. At the end of the day she can feel comfortable knowing when she says 'It's a thing' I understand how important that is. And when I hear those words it helps me to feel like I've not done anything wrong. Because at the end of the day anything overwhelming, even a cuddle at the wrong time, can be a 'thing'.

What phrases, if any, do you have that help you from day to day?