The 'A' word

First I want to talk about the 'A' word.

Autism, and Aspergers, wasn't something I was very common with until I met my partner.  In college, I studied psychology and all studied all sorts of different 'disabilities'. (I use this term loosely, I hate it. I found out at 16 I was dyslexic, and to prove I could do anything I went to uni and got a 2.1 in Creative Writing and Journalism. Not bad for not being 'disabled'!) Back to the point, I had heard of Autism and Aspergers. But like most people, the first time those words came out of her mouth part of me panicked.


I remember her saying them and an alarm bell going off in the back of my head. I think this has something to do with awareness. I wasn't aware of Autism and the how the different forms affect people and I had absolutely no idea what Aspergers meant. So, as I remember, I did what I thought best. I said 'that's ok' got home and got myself on google.

I felt rude asking 101 questions before I had done a little bit of research. I wanted to know what to talk about. Plus, I didn't want to make her feel uncomfortable, the last thing I want when I say I'm dyslexic is the barrage of questions that come with it, so I wouldn't subject anyone else to it either.

Google.
The internet can be one of two things. It can be educational, full of facts and helpful. Or, it can be a scary, fearful thing that cases panic, sleepless nights and over exaggeration. You just have to search for something like 'Headaches' to get either homemade remedies to relieve head pain or articles telling you how headaches lead to all sorts of medical conditions that will kill you.

The same happened when I first looked up Aspergers, I found a few little miracles like Austism Anglia who use plain english to describe the basics of Aspergers Syndrome. (The challenge of social interactions and the possible sensory issues.) As they summed up Aspergers in a four paragraph nutshell I decided to do a little more searching. That's where I found the horror stories and decided to stop using the internet for all the answers.

Questions.
Once I knew a little about Aspergers I decided to find the courage to start asking questions. The first few were awkward and most probably obvious, 'what is it?' 'how does it affect you?'. The very questions that are probably the hardest to answer. It helped from the beginning that my partner was very open, willing to talk and knew that I wasn't being rude or intrusive but inquisitive. I wanted to understand better so that I knew what the basic do's and dont's, and because I really liked her and I didn't want to be put off by the big 'A' word.

When I ran out of questions for her I went to the people that know her best, her parents. Who would know her better than the woman who had brought her up for the last 22 years. I opened my ears and bombarded her mum with all the questions I had. She is just as honest as her daughter. I didn't have a rose tinted perfect story, I got the nitty gritty of the good the bad and everything inbetween.

I am thankful for the honestly of both her and her family. They helped me to learn what to expect, all the little quirks that come with Asperges. But, most importantly, her directness helped to create a level of communication that a lot of relationships are in need of. O, and a side note, it didn't stop me from falling in love with her. If anything it made me love her more.

Learn Learn Learn.
The best advice I can give is to learn, learn, learn. As time has gone on I have learnt a lot about Aspergers and Autism. I have become more aware and now when someone mentions the words instead of that alarm bell going off I can't help but want to share what I know to stop the stigma and sympathetic smiles that seem to follow Autism like a bad shadow.