Keeping the love alive

So we are all told from such an early age that everyone is different. We live in a world that celebrates differences, well most of them. But what happens when these differences can make or break a relationship? Since being with my other half I've had to learn patience and how to listen, not just to what she is saying but what she means, and not to always jump to the worst case scenario. Likewise, I'm sure she's learnt not to make sure I can hear or that nagging comes too naturally to me, and to take me for all my little faults.


It's not easy taking someone for all their faults and imperfections but it is something that is needed for any relationship to work. Even more so, when one of us is an aspie.

For me, there are some vital things that have helped to strengthen and keep our relationship solid. And its these I want to talk about.


Empathy

It's one of the biggest problems with someone who has aspergers. Most the time she's trying to understand the world around her, let alone try to imagine the world according to someone else. For both of us, empathy has played an important part in our relationship. I would say I am quite good at putting myself in other's shoes. And, over time, she is learning to use empathy and try to see things from my point of view. So I may have to be very direct about my feelings and we have both had to learn to deal with each other, but with good communication and honesty we seem to do ok.

Patience

In some ways we have both had to learn to be more patient with each other. I have had to learn to give time and space to particular situations. That sometimes, being patient and waiting for her to talk to me ends up in finding out something quicker than if I were to nag her. Doesn't stop me nagging though, and I'm far from being the perfect person of patience, but I try. 

Compromise

It's not about compromising on where you want to go but what you want to do. I'm talking about meeting in the middle and finding a solid ground to start from. So, she may hate physical contact when she is upset, and I may be too quick to try to cuddle her. But it's about compromising and learning how each other deals with situations and making them suit you both. It's about having those 5 minuets alone then coming to me for a cuddle after she's been upset that we have both come to a compromise over.

Honesty

I've always heard that honesty is the best policy, and I believe it is something everyone should try to live by as much as possible. Ok, so I'm not talking about telling someone they look horrid when they are having a bad day. I'm talking about being upfront and straightforward with what we mean. Getting rid of all those social hints and polite sayings and instead saying when you are not happy. Turning about and telling her 'I don't like it when you do that' instead of the 'Some people would prefer if you didn't'. Communicating in a simple, clear way makes life a lot less complex.

There is nothing to stop someone loving a person with Aspergers. Ok, so it's not plain sailing. But neither is life. My advice? I dare you to try something different, you never know where you may end up.