To say or not to say?

Many a time my partner and I have been somewhere, talking to someone and I've had that 'uh-oh' moment where she says something off topic or something that surprises both me and who she is talking to. I used to be embarrassed by it, I used to stop her mid sentence and try to steer the conversation onto something different. At times this worked, other times it just caused arguments between us. I couldn't understand why she would say such things, and she wouldn't understand why I would be upset. 

Then, talking to her Mum, it finally made sense to me. 

Her mum described it similar to a coffee pot without a filter. Everyone has a filter that they use in conversation. It sorts out the right responses and sorts thoughts into what can be said and what can't be said. Like a coffee pot filters the water and coffee through without letting the ground beans into the cup. 

In those with Aspergers this coffee filter is torn or, hasn't been put into the machine.

So instead the cup is full of beans, water and all. Instead of having that filter to pull to the side things that should not be said, everything comes through, leading to those 'uh-oh' awkward moments.

 It's an example that I think of now when in social situations and the other half starts going on a tangent of hers. And once again, we have another code word. We decided when talking about it with her mother, that in some situations it would not be right to forget the filter and let everything through. Now, instead of getting upset or angry, I simply remind her 'coffee pot' or 'filter' and if she still doesn't get the hint, I change the subject.

Remember it, use it, and tell others. I'm sorry but she's a 'coffee pot head'. It gets a few funny looks, but once explained it's just something that sticks with others. 

Filter on or off, she's my 'Coffee pot'