How Aspergers Affects Relationships

From my experience, and from what I've read, there are some main features that have an impact on relationships with an aspie. Through this blog I've been trying to address these and give a fresh viewpoint on them. I've read so many blogs by those with aspergers talking about how they are affected by it and how relationships affect them. But I want to give the opposite viewpoint, there are plenty of sources out there that focus on how the aspie feels, but what about how the non-aspie feels in relationships. Is it just as hard, is it easier? 


I don't have a simple answer for those questions. As with life, nothing is ever simple and life is a tangled mess of one complication after another. But I do hope this blog helps to explain at least some of it.  


Social awkwardness


Aspies are known to be awkward in social situations mainly, having spoken to my partner, it's because she's feeling overwhelmed by all the sensory input or simply, she just doesn't understand a situation. Listening, talking and knowing what to say and what to avoid is challenging. 


Non-verbal cues


Body language is always important. We use our bodies consciously and unconsciously every time we interact with another person. From a nod as someone lets you through a door, to simple eye contact and hand movements.  My other half often struggles to understand body language and facial expressions. She's got better at telling me when she is struggling and tends to ask 'What does that face mean' or 'are you angry I can't tell'. For others who are less open about not understanding it's different.




Taking things literally


People with aspergers are known to take things you say literally, sometimes too literally. I remember my dad telling my other half once that she should put her cigarette out. She didn't understand his hint of sarcasm and went to put it out and later told me she was confused when he said he didn't mean it like that. Over time, my family have learnt that sometimes what they say can be interpreted very literally. It's a great learning curve for saying what you mean to, instead of using phrases such as 'pull your socks up'. 


Routine


'I do it my way and that's how I like it,' My other half isn't a great one for being taken away from her routine. So her thing for eating cereal in bed gets a little tiring when I am constantly eating alone in the kitchen. But they are just some of those things that happen. She has little quirks and ways. It's all about learning when to push and say no you will do it how I like for a change and when to put your hands up and let her, because otherwise you can have a meltdown on your hands.


Overall


I would always say that being an aspie or not is not the most important factor in a relationship. You have to have that spark, you have to fit together, get on and learn to work around each other. Faults or not, everyone has them and it's just something you have to learn to live with.